Gallery | gunpowder requiem | flickr | livejournal
| make-me real blog |
Long time no see! My DA has been catching dust for awhile now, hasn't it? ><
I decided to just upload my favorite doll pictures since the last time I updated my gallery, even though they're not all the pictures I wanted to post. There are still a few to edit and upload, but I've been feeling lazy with other stuff to do lately. -0-
In any case I will try not to abandon DA for too long again, let's see if I can do it. o.o
But I'm doing this journal not to simply say I updated the gallery, but also to write down a decision I've made in these past few days. I've been thinking a lot about downsizing the doll collection to just the dolls I play with the most, since I was feeling bad for the ones I never photographed or even touched very little. That said, I did a major clean-up on the doll list and put for sale every single doll I believed I wasn't going to miss so much and had never been played with. I will be keeping for now the ones I'm most attached to in terms of story and emotional importance, and even then sometimes I think of keeping just the GpR dolls. Let's see how this first clean-up goes, and maybe I will end up doing it again in the future. I just hope these dolls FS find good loving homes, definitely better ones than one where they just sat in the closet. -A-
The second decision is about the community. The BJD community in Brazil has been divided for sometime in groups of people that have had personal problem between each other, and friendships and such made some collectors who weren't directly involved also distance themselves from others either from being directly personally affected by someone, or from choosing sides to be in. That meaning not wanting to hear both sides of the story, really, by only having direct contact with one person.
What that caused was a huge discomfort between sides leading to bad-mouthing, insulting, people making fun of each other or ignoring mutually and a huge crack on the Brazilian doll community that I believe is impossible to heal considering the personal injuries one person caused the other. People called me a Nazi because I liked Volks dolls. It got to the point of false accusations of people buying recasts which I already talked about here at the DA journal, and when I as friend tried to stand up for the person accused, people I never talked to in my life and shouldn't have anything against posted stuff like 'my Photoshop is not original, but we do what we can'. And for what?
The sad thing about it is that people I used to call friends chose another side and stopped talking and participating with the rest of the community, me included, maybe because they thought it was the wisest and most loyal decision to chose one closer friend to the others, or just because they were misled into believing things that weren't necessarily true because of a fondness to the person who told them. I can't say that isn't a proof of friendship, but it is sad to think that it's probably impossible to talk to those old friends like we used to before the crack became so clear.
But no - I have not decided to try and heal that crack between groups in the community. It's only that obvious because our community is so small, but I imagine that the bigger communities have far more problems and divided groups than we have. My best friend and I have had some personal trouble with one of them, just the 'main' one I would say, and I think it would just be wrong to try and pretend nothing ever happened just all of a sudden because the injury was a big one.
But that's the thing.
Just one person really caused that lot of trouble in our personal lives and others'. Even though I can imagine what goes on in private conversations and such because that's how human beings are, no others have caused so much worry and damage to anyone else comparing to that specific person. Hell, the Photoshop comment person is someone I have never even seen in my whole life, never even talked to, maybe someone I could share an interest. Another is a great visual artist who I keep Watching here on DA and who keeps watching me, and others I simply don't know. I really mean it, never talked to. Ever. And there are those old friends who went to the other side of the crack, and I have no idea how they're thinking or acting today. How would it be if I or these people started talking to each other again?
So the real question is: why should I care so much? Why should I feel bothered by things they do on the other side, things they say, once I have already accepted that no one will ever please everyone in the world? That there will always be someone bad-mouthing other behind their backs no matter what we do, keeping a distance or trying to get close? And most important of all: why should I feel even the slightest anger for someone who I don't even know? Is it really worth it to hold a grudge against someone who simply decided not to like you because of someone else, or because of envy, or whatnot?
What I decided is that I won't let it bother me anymore. I won't feel angry, I will leave that behind. I wasn't in any way seriously harmed by this person or the others, and what bothered me was just a case of bad attitude. I can't ask them to stop not liking me, but I will personally take that thought out of my head for peace of mind. I hope the friends from back then will understand my position and the people I don't know on the other side of the crack will see that I no longer have anything against them personally that will lead me to dislike them.
I want to leave behind anything that could needlessly bother me, and I will start by this hobby I like so much. So with this text I will leave anything that doesn't truly matter in the past like those small conflicts without importance, and I really, really hope that others have a similar attitude according to their own consciences.
However one thing should be clear: to that person who almost caused a divorce, who took a lot from my friend stabbing her from behind, who disrespected me in my own house, who told lies and said bad things about me to personal friends of mine, who sent thousands of offensive twitts and a few offensive private messages - unfortunately these cannot be forgiven nor forgotten, and the bad things we do come back to us. So please take a look at your attitudes before things get really, really bad. It's a very sincere advice even though I doubt it will be of any help.
That's the end, pretty much. :3